Oceans Won't Freeze, So Loosen Your Heart
by a little hurricano
Summary: Serena doesn’t do the whole lovesick teenage girl thing. That’s more Blair’s MO. Or at least it used to be. Serena/Dan


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Gossip Girl, nor do I own the song "Ageless Beauty" by Stars, from which the the title is taken from.

**oceans won't freeze, so loosen your heart**

i.

Serena doesn't do the whole lovesick teenage girl thing. That's more Blair's MO_._

She doesn't fantasize about prom dates and weddings and she definitely does not write her crush's name in the margins of her notebook. Serena has always been more the type to make out with a boy and forget about him the next day (Nate's the only exception to that rule, but that's a story for another day). But lo and behold, during 3rd period math she finds herself writing hers and Dan's names together in what looks suspiciously like a heart. She doesn't even realize what she's doing until the bell rings and her page is full of anything but notes.

This might be the first sign that she's falling in love with Dan Humphrey.

ii.

She's never been a girlfriend before but she thinks that she's getting better as time goes on.

She now knows that he has a scar on the inside of his elbow from his first time making bacon; that he used to wake up early to watch the Powerpuff Girls on Saturday mornings (_"Buttercup totally kicked ass!" he defended_). He's especially ticklish in this one spot just below his ribcage. Clowns give him the creeps.

She knows the big things too. He sometimes resents his mother for giving up so easily, for leaving him and Jenny behind. His biggest fear is being completely helpless. There are times when he just wants to hold her.

She calls him every night, divides up her time between him and Blair and she instinctively knows when he needs her (don't ask her how, she won't have an answer).

She now knows that relationships are a game of give and take and that they don't always come easy (nobody ever writes songs about the ones that do).

Serena's never been a girlfriend before but she thinks she's learning.

iii.

Serena has never been jealous of anybody in her whole life.

When Eric was born, Serena was happy to have someone new to play with and dress up (-her dolls were getting boring). When Blair got that new designer dress that she had been vying for, Serena just shrugged it off and brought vintage back.

Vanessa is beautiful and smart and she knows Dan like the back of her hand. Serena doesn't recognize that tight, burning feeling in her stomach immediately but she's been an Upper East Sider long enough to be able to identify it for what it is.

-+

She hates that her smile falls a bit, hates even more that she feels like an outsider when she's so used to being in the loop. Then he looks at her and it's like he knows every doubt running through her mind and is trying to reassure her that she's the only one he sees. The look somehow erases all of her fears and it makes her feel _that _much lighter to know that she's still _it_ for him.

This is probably sign number two.

iv.

Being with Dan, actually _being _with Dan is so much different than being with Nate. She doesn't mean to compare the two but, then again, Serena doesn't mean to do a lot of things.

Her first time with Nate is nothing like she thought it would be. Via trashy romance novels and chick flicks, Serena had this idea of what her first time would be like. She thought her first time would be full of passion and him whispering _I love you_'s in her ear. Nate is awkward and everything she doesn't want, even as she's doing it. He doesn't prepare her and when it hurts, he doesn't have any reassurances for her.

Dan treats her like glass even though it's public knowledge that she's done this before. He's so gentle that she giggles, "_I'm not going to break_" and then kisses him.

There are no comparisons after this.

v.

She has a boy who loves her and everything should be perfect except these three little words are stuck in her throat and all she can manage is an "okay" before he walks away. Disappointment radiates with every step and her first instinct is to go after him but she squelches it down with a gasp. Instead she stands there, hands in pockets, and questions whether the anger that's forming is aimed at Dan or at herself. (She tends to ask herself questions that she already knows the answers to.)

Of course, all it takes is an impromptu therapy session with a fifteen year old and she's knocking at his door, knuckles blushing hard from force.

"I need to know why you love me," she says, and maybe there's a tinge of hesitation in her voice but she shoulders on because these are not just words, she really does need to know. He tells her.

Each reason is considerably more ridiculous than then last, so she's inclined to believe that he's telling the truth, because, really, who would even notice how dorky she laughs, let alone appreciate it? Somebody who loves her apparently.

And maybe, just maybe, she loves him too.

**Reviews are lovely things**


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